Spam Spam Spam

I decided to run a little experiment this week. On Thursday morning, after logging into my primary email account and replying to last nights messages, I cleared my BULK folder. For non-Yahoo users, the BULK folder is where unwanted emails are filtered to, before being deleted. Unwanted emails are more commonly known as SPAM.

Anyway, it's been five days without manually emptying my Bulk folder and I currently have 554 emails in that folder. It doesn't take genius to figure out that I am getting over 100 unwanted emails a DAY. Most of them are, naturally, sexual in nature. Some mortgage offers, debt consolidation, games, and RAZOR cell phones, but mostly sex.

Chicks masturbating on their webcams, well yes, I can see why I am being sent those offers. Milfs? Strippers? Hot Asians? OK, I can imagine why they are sending that sort of material to me.

What I can't understand is where the folks who produce animal porn, fat chick porn, she male porn, and cartoon porn keep getting my address!!! And really, how effective is this sort of marketing in this day and age? Between search engines, blogs, message boards, MySpace and file sharing programs, how many people actually follow up on offers they get via spammed email?

If I wanted to find porn to satisfy my kinks, I can find whatever I want in a few keystrokes. And even if I was following up on the offers coming into my Inbox, I get over 100 a day! I wouldn't have the time to follow-up on them, even if wanted to!!!

And just so you know, while I wrote this piece, I got two more spam emails.

Voice of Tony the Tiger, Dies

Thurl Ravenscroft, Known as the Voice of Tony the Tiger, Dies
Tuesday, May 24, 2005

FULLERTON, Calif. — Thurl Ravenscroft, who provided the rumbling "They're Grrrrreeeat!" for Kellogg's Tony the Tiger ads and voiced a host of Disney characters, has died. He was 91.

Ravenscroft died Sunday of prostate cancer, said Diane Challis Davy, director of Laguna Beach's Pageant of the Masters.

Separated at Birth???

Phil Spector in court on Monday.

Hair Bear and the rest of the gang from the Wonderland Zoo.


UPDATED:

Anyone catch E!'s "The Soup" this weekend? They used this joke and used the SAME picture as I did. I only mention it cause some little man on filter site got pissed that I "self linked" this post to the site. I apologized for breaking the rules, but would not back down on the fact it was original and funny. It was nice to be vindicated by seeing a joke I came up with a last week show up on TV this weekend. Now, I'm not saying "The Soup" ripped me off. I'm just saying the joke we both came up with was TV worthy.

Pete & Pete on DVD!!!

# DVD Release Date: May 17, 2005
# DVD Features:

* Available Audio Tracks: English (Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo)
* Foud bonus Pete & Pete Specials:
* "Valentine's Day Massacre"
* "What We Did On Our Summer Vacation"
* "Apocalypse Pete"
* "New Year's Pete"
* Pete & Pete Shorts: "The Burping Room" & "Mom's Plate"
* Audio Commentaries with the director and co-creators

Buy It Now!!!

If you don't know the show, I can't help you. If you do know it, you are psyched.

Love it or Hate it?

I haven't decided yet.

"Various electronic artists from net based music label Hippocamp.net
“celebrate the anniversary of the release” of The Beach Boys’ Pet
Sounds album by ripping, mixing, and burning it into
something ...different."

An overdub mash of Napoleon Dynamite dialogue unto ye olde Fat Albert
cartoons.

http://www.heavy.com/viral2/fatdynamite/

The Big Lebowski as performed by He-Man and the Masters Of The
Universe:

http://www.heavy.com/viral2/big_hebowski/

I have a video tape (how old fashioned!) of Apocolypse Now dialogue
over Winne the Pooh cartoons that's pretty damn hysterical. I really need to digitize it one of these days.

Still Bored?

Nina Gordon from Veruca Salt covers Straight Outta Compton

Wasn't this a Dead Milkmen song?

Hooked is a 1966 comic distributed to NYC methadone clinics. A fine plan, mythologizing heroin use to recovering addicts.

Methadone Comic Book

Do you have a boner?

how about now?

Talking smack about Batman

It seems that the rest of the Super Friends like to dis Batman behind his back.
Still, better than the movie with Arnold as the gay refrigerator.

Blink O Rama

Celebs caught blinking on camera:

http://blinkorama.blogspot.com/

My fave is February 22, 2005, Joan Rivers.

Star Wars coloring book

Well, to be correct it's the Unintentionally Sexual Star Wars Coloring Book

Who is...The Cat?

From the producers of The Mole comes a new sensation in reality
television. Can you figure out: Who is...The Cat?

You name it...

...and I'll throw a rock at it.

'Captain Jean Luc Picard - of the USS Enterprise'

The dancing Dr. Crusher, in the bikini
(with camel toe) is what makes it for me.

Dept. Of Unnecessary Covers 2

Jennifer Love Hewitt butchers Billy Idol for the Oxygen Original
Movie "Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber".

Dancing With Myself

This goes into the same folder as Mandy Moore covering XTC and the
Duff sisters doing "Our Lips Are Sealed".

Dept. Of Unnecessary Covers

Jesse's Girl by some band named "Frickin' A", which is made up
entirely of guys who look like the dude from Sugar Ray.

http://www.frickina.com/video/FrickinJessie.wmv

And yes, that's Rick Springfield in the video.

Wreckless Me

Best line from when I saw Wreckless Eric a few months back:

He was apologizing for all the bad music that came out of England in
the 80s and people were shouting out names of groups and he was
letting off zingers about them. Then someone shouted out "STING", to
which he replied:

"Oh Sting, where is thy death?"

Genius.

Holy Boner, Batman!

They laugh at my boner, will they? I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!!!

SPIDER-MAN'S GREATEST BIBLE STORIES!

Fecking genius

Beauty Tip #5

A sure fire way to look more attractive? Sit next to Courtney Love:

Crimson Ghosts

Ever wonder what would of happened if horror punk legends The Misfits
were formed in 1962? Probably not, but the result might have sounded
just like The Crimson Ghosts. Picture hearing all your favorite
Misfits songs, like Astro Zombies, Halloween, Somekindahate, etc.
done instrumental surf style. A rhythm section dripping with reverb
and a twangy surf lead in place of Glenn's ominous vocals...

Find them here

And here

Irish Search Engine

ARSE!

Dogs Rule!

Cats Are Evil!

Steve Perry as Robocop

Now available are quality prints of my newest painting entitled "To Protect and to Rock" which depicts Steve Perry, former lead singer of Journey and defender of freedom and justice, as Robocop.

What was wrong with the other three dudes?

Woman accused of holding sex-and-drug parties with teenage boys
By: Associated Press

ARVADA, Colo. -- A 40-year-old woman held sex and drug parties with teenage boys, telling police she wanted to be a "cool mom," authorities say. Sylvia Johnson allegedly provided marijuana, methamphetamine and alcohol to eight boys at parties she hosted at her suburban Denver home in 2003 and 2004. According to court papers, she admitted having sex with five of the boys.

One of the boys told his mother, and Johnson was arrested in December and charged with offenses including sexual assault and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

According to court papers, Johnson told investigators she was not popular in high school and had finally started "feeling like one of the group."

"She described herself as a 'cool mom'," police said.

The day after we all went to Super Cuts

Ok, everyone looks just terrific! Just one thing, Ellen why don't you
and Amy sit on the step stools from the store room? That way we can
show off Tami's leather pants...

Wasn't this a Get Smart episode?

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons

The Pentagon considered developing a host of non-lethal chemical
weapons that would disrupt discipline and morale among enemy troops,
newly declassified documents reveal.

Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an
"aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually
irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour
among troops would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal"
blow to morale, the proposal says.

Don't believe me?

More!

Stripping Is Career Choice

Students Told Stripping Is Career Choice
By BILEN MESFIN, Associated Press Writer

SAN FRANCISCO - School officials in Palo Alto are reconsidering their
use of a popular speaker for an annual career day after he advised
middle school students that they could earn a good living as strip
dancers.

William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle
School that stripping and exotic dancing could be lucrative career
moves for girls, offering as much as $250,000 or more per year,
depending on their bust size.

"It's sick, but it's true," Fried, president of Foster City's
Precision Selling, a management consulting firm, told The Associated
Press. "The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount
of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire."

The school has asked Fried to give his 55-minute presentation, "The
Secret of a Happy Life," for the past three years.

Deep Thoughts from Supermodels

Deep Thoughts from Supermodels

"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers."
--Carol Alt

GWB: Movie Producer

Not surprisingly, for the most part, the movies he made were shit.

I think the only ones I liked were "The Rocketeer" and "Adventures in
Babysitting".

Food Coma

I'm currently in a food coma. Mopar Larry took me to the Merchant in JC for dinner after band practice tonight. It was payback for all the work I'd done promoting the band and our new EP.

As usual, I had the hanger steak and asparagus. It was awesome.

Kudos to Mr. Cutlets for praising the hanger steak in his book, "Meat Me In Manhattan". It's my new favorite cut of meat.

I came home and kept panting in the dog's face to make him jealous of the meal I just had.

Happy Birthday, Joey Ramone

One of the biggest thrills in my life was when my band played the Stone Pony, cause it was the first place I'd ever seen the Ramones. I got to stand on the same stage as Joey and Da Bruddas.

Perry-Tales

Welcome to the Perry-Tales fan fiction site of make believe. This site is dedicated to the greatest voice in music, Steve Perry. If you are offended by fan fiction, any characterization of Steve or role playing, then this site is NOT for you.

To the others, join us in this new Journey, and we shall gather under the banner of Perry-Tales!

Enter all who desire something new and different.

Nick Lowe

This morning, I come back from food shopping and turn on the TV.
It's "Viva Rock Vegas" the Flintstones sequel and I'm momentarily
entranced by how much better the casting of Betty is for this movie
than the original. Anyway, while I am ogling Jane Krakowski in her
short blue skirt, I realize the background music for the scene is
Nick Lowe's "Seven Nights to Rock"! Wow! Who would have ever
thought that a Nick Lowe song would find it's way into a Flintstones
movie?

Anyway, the very next scene the Flintstones and the Rubbles are at an
amusement park. The music? Nick Lowe's "Half a Boy and Half a Man".

What the heck is going on here???

I wish you were Mace Windu in Star Wars

Children's Christmas Letters to Christopher Walken

Keith Richards

> Came across this great quote from Keith Richards re:
> rock & roll (NOT Rock!):
>
> Maybe listeners knew a year or 6 months later that the
> beat turned around (in Bitch), but at the moment I
> wasn't conscious of that. It comes so naturally, as
> it's always happened, and it's always given that extra
> kick when the right moment comes back down again.
> That's what rock and roll records are all about. I
> mean, nowadays it's rock music. But rock and roll
> records should be 2:35 minutes long, and it doesn't
> matter if you ramble on longer after that. It should
> be, you know - wang, concise, right there. Rambling on
> and on, blah blah blah, repeating things for no
> point... I mean, rock and roll is in one way a highly
> structured music played in a very unstructured way,
> and it's those things like turning the beat around
> that we'd get hung up on when we were starting out:
> Did you hear what we just did? We just totally turned
> the beat around (laughs). If it's done in conviction,
> if nothing is forced, if it just flows in, then it
> gives quite an extra kick to it.
> - Keith Richards
>
>

Alien Loves Predator

You need to check out the strips about Jesus playing for the Yankees.
Alien Loves Predator

More Cowbell

You need speakers for this. Work safe (relatively)

More Cowbell

It's positively hypnotic. I can understand how those raver kids get
hooked, now.

THE DRINKING RULES

Nobody teaches you these things, but they're important to know for a
happier Drinking Life.

#17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor
preference.

#48. Men don't drink from straws.

The Drinking Rules

Mountain Dew Pitch Black

For people who love the taste of Mountain Dew, but feel it just doesn't have enough food coloring: Mountain Dew Pitch Black

Straight Outta Compton

Nina Gordon from Veruca Salt covers Straight Outta Compton

My Pledge To You

I will never post pics of Britney Spears and her husband looking like low class trash buying Twinkies at 7-11. I am, however, trying to figure out how to do one of those countdown clocks to time when her baby will be legal, providing it's a girl.